attachment go get 'em tiger

It is January 2012. A year for you to realise your wildest dreams and ideas. Go to your mirror right now and strike a pose and call yourself a winner. This year is your year my friend.

Eat your corn flakes and hi five yourself. Make a list of all the things you will do this year. Write a letter to yourself, telling you what you expect from you. Compliment yourself in the letter. Write another letter to your other half saying that 2012 is your year, not theirs, yours. write it in capital letters. Start drawing lewd pictures and words in the margin of the letter. Throw that one in the bin and start again.

Take a walk. Greet fellow humans, smile an arrogant smile at the teenagers who call you a big c&£k every morning. You are a winner, not a c&£k, they are wrong.

Go to HMV and buy a DVD just because. Buy two. Buy a boxset. It's 2012, the world is your oyster, and that oyster is fully cooked and filled with DVD's and other things.

Return to your kingdom brandishing your bag of Freedom/Episodes of Blackadder.

Explain to your other half that the letter that they just found in the bin was some kind of joke and the pictures were not drawn by you but the by children. Apologise for the pictures you most definitely didn't do.

Go online a research joining MI5. Go to Google and type in your own name to see if there are any other people as brilliant as you.

Sit in your armchair and think about adequate Spy Names to give yourself. Ask your other half to henceforth refer to you as Agent Dashing B. Handsome. Block out there loud laughter by singing the Mission Impossible theme tune to yourself.

Venture to the bathroom mirror and call yourself Dashing B. Handsome and pretend your fingers are a gun. Sit on the edge of the bath and enjoy the solitude.

Go down stairs with whistful Blackadder related aspirations. Find the TV occupied with Coronation Street. Protest your rights to the remote. Apologise. Sit down. Apologise again.

Stare at the wall. Ask a question to show interest. Apologise for interrupting.

Go upstairs. Consider the pending work day. Find that your aspiration list has been used to squash a spider. Sigh. Take a shower. Sit on bed. Stare at the door. Start new list. After two lines, revert to writing the word c£$k over and over.

Set alarm. Lay down. Consider some special 'Alone Time'. Deny yourself 'Alone Time'. Fall asleep.

Happy Fucking New Year.